As a little girl, I never dreamed about my wedding day. Ever. I still don’t. I dreamed of a husband and a little family, but never pictured the white dress. I’ve always been a romantic, but more in the tragic sense. Skeptical, cynical.

The most rewarding relationships in my life have evolved and strengthened through multiple chapters of life, through intentional, focused work. The work was challenging and painful, at times, but it resulted in being happier within myself and my relationships with those people.

I think facing challenges bonds people and connects them. I’m so cynical of simple and easy.

My question is – where is that balance in romantic relationships? How do you recognize which issues are worth battling through with that person, versus where the red flags start? Should romantic relationships as a young adult be simple and easy? Do the real challenges come later in life and in marriage? Do you marry someone without having faced these challenges, hoping that you’re able to weather them later in your marriage? When you’ve already committed to doing so?

I don’t want to glorify this tragic romanticism, but for the entire time that the social media highlight reel has existed, these easy, simple love stories have never resonated with me. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Too pessimistic, just wanted someone “to fix,” I must be missing something, I couldn’t know because I’ve never experienced it myself. But I’ve recently accepted that this is just me. And now I’m wondering if there are other girls thinking the same thing.

I truly believe in holding space for your partner to evolve within your relationship, even when it’s uncharted territory, scary, and possibly painful. I believe it’s a form of up-leveling together. If you maintain respect and commitment, it can make your relationship more beautiful and deepen your connection.

I was so looking forward to this with my most recent partner. I was willing to weather this change, knowing that what was on the other side was better than I could have ever imagined. That’s still true, I believe, just apparently without that partner.

I know that what’s coming is better than I could have ever imagined. But I’m so curious as to how it will work out. I’m 27 and I do want children. How will I find a new partner, weather these evaluations together to get to a place where we are rooted in confidence and trust, that will ultimately support me in the decision to get married and start a family? I think I need that trust to get married and start a family. It’s hard to picture myself starting a family with someone and simultaneously hoping that when things get tough in the future, we’ll figure it out. I have never had a timeline on my life, but I’ve recently started feeling the pressure.

As always, if you have the magic answer, you know where to find me. Until then, I’ll be searching.