Just when you thought this blog couldn’t get any worse… I’ve got one more for you. Home decorating/improvement blog,… turned my incoherent, rambling thoughts,… turned God blog!

This all started when I was on yet another pursuit of fixing, solving. I’m a fixer. When something is not to my liking, I will do anything in my power to change it.

If you know me, you know I hate my job. If you don’t know me, you’ve probably overheard me in line at the grocery store talking to someone about how I hate my job.

A few weeks ago, I committed to two processes in an effort to change my mindset about my job. For twenty-one days, the timeframe in which new habits are created, I would:

1. Write down three things for which I was grateful for about my job
2. Pray to God

One endeavor worked, and one did not. The results? Next time someone tells you to practice gratitude in the face of frustration, desperation, and unhappiness… kindly tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.

But if they recommend praying to someone or something, give it a second thought.

The gratitude exercise did nothing for me, but the praying exercise did everything.

I feel like it’s important to understand that I did not grow up in a religious family, and I’m very turned off by religious testimony, lectures, etc. For some reason, when I think of organized religion, what comes to mind first is all the destruction and damage people claiming to be religious have caused. I’m turned off by the exclusion of Christianity as a whole. There are elements of the Bible that cause me to question the credibility of the entire thing. Talking about religion makes me uncomfortable, and my skin crawls at the thought of Bible studies and youth groups. It feels so corny to me.

All that said, I have always believed in and felt a connection to God in the traditional Christian context. Though I’ve always questioned the way it’s been delivered, I have always known that God to be mine.

I believe the way we see or don’t see God is as unique as our appearances, mindsets, preferences, DNA makeup. I believe that God created us all perfectly and wholly and that, if Buddhism or atheism or Mother Nature-ism is the spirituality that resonates with you, that is the way you were made to be perfectly and wholly. Your beliefs are no more or less true than mine, than your community’s, than Mother Theresa’s.

True faith is not threatened by different ways of worship (or none at all). We can all learn something from each other by peering through someone else’s lens.

There are a few verses from the Bible that resonate so deeply with me that they feel fingerprinted on my soul. (Note: I say this with some guilt that I’m cherry-picking from the Bible. There are some verses I’m just not sure what to make of or I purely disagree with.)

However, they are as follows:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

For when I need comfort, safety, security. Also, when I’m convinced the plane I’m flying on is about to fall out of the sky. 

“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” John 13:7

For when I’m desperately trying to understand where the dumpster-fire that is my life is going. 

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:1

For when I cannot take one more minute in the slice of hell I call my cubicle. 

These verses are mantras for me. They’re the only words or practices that bring me any sort of comfort in this difficult period of life, and I’ve tried almost everything. I have no doubt in these words; the ease in which I can accept these words is like nothing I’ve experienced thus far in my life. For someone who overanalyzes, overthinks, questions and doubts everything, these words bring me a calm knowing. I know that, for me, these words are the truth of my life.

It’s ironic to me that, as I explore consciousness and the human experience, after diving into astrology, Human Design, the Law of Attraction, and other random woo-woo stuff, I’m brought back to a simple system that’s been in front of me all along.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to articulate here, other than to embrace the system that makes the most sense to you. I have such a deep respect and understanding for all beliefs and mindsets that people carry. I fully believe that a hike in the woods is as powerful as a trip to the Western Wall, a baptism, or a special yoga flow. When you find what works for you, embrace it. Let it work for you. Don’t worry about what it looks like, whether it fits into a box or not. Don’t give into the feeling of obligation that it has to look the way everyone else’s experience or worship looks like. Religion and spirituality doesn’t happen in a room or a building; it happens within yourself. Sorry for the cheese-factor; I just want to give us all permission to be in the way that feels most authentic to us.

And the ultimate confirmation I’ve gone off the deep end… I have a playlist on Spotify (premium) of worship music. Yikes! God bless y’all though.